Historiological Notes

Twoways networking

Before Easter I was approached by a young man at one of the coffee shops at the campus. He said 'Hi, don't I remember you from my history of ideas class?'. I could vaguely remember this man and during our talk it was obvious that he remembered me even though this was more than three years ago. When I had my ideas about networking this autumn, I did not know how to get into the postgraduate historiography milieu in Oslo. I tried to ask one of the professors in historiography at the history department, but he just told me that there unfortunatley were no historiography students neither at masters nor PhD level. Now it turns out that there is an interest for historigraphy amongst the history of ideas postgraduates and this man is one of them. What a happy coinsidence.

At first I found it amazing that my academic network could grow this way without any effort at all, then I remembered that he probably approached me because he remembered me as an active student then. To some extent I had already done the job. I also realised that of course I was too a valuable member of his network. I have usually felt a bit uncomfortable in my networking experience, because I feel I have had to ask people a favour as I do not have much to bring (yet). This is different now as I feel these students are my equals and it is more of a multilateral network.

More Chaos

I have tried to pull myself together to work on the dissertation. The problem is that I can hardly face working with it again. I hate revision and I feel that what I have written is really bad. Just as the feeling I had in July when I decided to make the big structural change. I cannot make a new structure now. I have promised my supervisor to stick to what I have got just making it more clear and precise.

Today I feel that making my dissertation more clear and precise would just make it visible that I do not have anything novel or original to say. This idea comes from my lunch appointment today. I had a meeting with one of the people I have tried to be in contact with for a while. He has written a book that I found quite usefull some months ago. He is very clever and I feel I should have had an interesting conversation. I was not well prepared for the meeting because I just got one hour notice that he could make lunch and this was not a good start. We talked about interesting things, but I felt I could not answer properly to any questions he asked and now I just feel silly. I suppose this was the first networking meeting that did not go well.

I have written down some good point that we discussed, but I do not feel up to working on them this afternoon. Just looking at my dissertation makes me feel stupid. I am quite sure that in a few days time I will be pleased that I saw him and that the comments will become usefull, but at the moment I feel discouraged.

The last thing he said to me before parting was that he could not understand how I was able to talk to new people so late in my writing process. It would just mess up his thoughts. When he said it I felt even more silly. Of course I should concentrate on my own ideas instead of broadening my horizon. I need clarity and precision rather than more chaos.

New aquaintance

Someone was actually in when I knocked on doors yesterday, and I had a nice chat. I am still surprised by how pleased everyone seems to be to see me. I do understand that people are flattered that someone has read their books/articles and think they can be of any help, but I cannot understand that this do not happen to academics all the time.

Having been recieved nicely by everyone I have been in contact with gives me confidence to be in contact with others that can help, but it also give me confidence that what I am working on is worthwhile. I usually get the response that my research is of their interest and that they would love to have a copy of my thesis when it is finished. I do not want to dissapoint these people (or myself) and feel it is even more important to write a good thesis.

Lecturing

As I wrote on Monday I was asked to give a talk about my dissertation for the historiography class for master students today. It went well; I felt I talked to slowly in the begining (was afraid I did not have enough to say) and to quick at the end (was running out of time), but I was told by the lecturer that it went well. Afterward she spoke to me and told me that I was a good lecturer.

I have not thought about my qualities as a lecturer - mainly because I have worried about my writing and considered it a handicap for an academic career. Now, I feel my writing has improved and I can start worrying about all the other obstacles for an academic career.

I spent two and a half hours this morning preparing this 30 minutes talk. I had planned to prepare earlier, but then suddenly it was Wednesday morning. I also had to do changes, or rather additions, in the manustcript to accomodate wishes the lecturer told me before we started. I suppose I am not the only one who have prepared a talk just before giving it. I had managed to plan what I was going to talk about at the end if my paper run short and I had planned what I could skip at the end if I ran out of time. The latter happened and I skipped a quote and the comment upon it. I suppose it is good to be able to adjust to the circumstances. I am also quite pleased with the questions I got afterwards and the answers I managed to give.

This post must seem silly for experienced lecturers, but everything is strange when new. The other "guest speakers" to this class have been professors and I felt quite priveleged to be asked to give a talk. I felt that this was different than presenting something in a class I am taking, because I had been asked to talk because this was my field of research and that I was an "expert". It was also different from giving a paper at a conference, because this is a class and people are sitting an exam afterwards. I felt I had to point out where my ideas disagreed with the main textbook.

All in all I am happy that it went well, and I hope some of the students benefited from it. Three students (out of 35-40) came to talk to me afterwards and I suppose that is a good sign.

Knocking on doors

I decided to knock on a professor's door this morning in my "talk to an academic a week"-plan, but he was not in. Do I get credits for the attempt?

Up's and Down's in Networking

One of my aims this autumn was to recreate a network here in Oslo. The idea was to contact or meet one academic or other relevant person a week.

Last week I send out two e-mails, but I have not got a reply to any of them. I know that academics are bussy and thus might ignore e-mails, so I am thinking that I might have to try knocking on doors instead. However, I believe that one of the persons I tried to contact, is rarely in her office, so how to contact her then? I really would like to talk to her, so I do not want to give up.

On the more positive side I seem to meet good people even if I do not try hard at networking. I have been sitting in on the historiography classes for the master students, and although I have tried to have a low profile at the back I must have talked enough for the lecturer to notice me. She came and talked to me after class last Wednesday and asked me if I wanted to talk about my dissertation in class this Wednesday. She also recommended people I could talk to.

I suppose just being naturally active and smiling is the best way to grow a network.

The difficult e-mail

Today I e-mailed a historians whose book I discuss in my dissertation to ask if I could come and speak to him. I was so incredibly nervous. Do I really have the courage to tell someone my thoughts on their work? I have been thinking that I should contact him for some time, but desideded that I just had to do it now. I re-read my e-mail draft at least five times before sending it. Did I manage to make my dissertation sound interesting? Did I manage to give a positive impression of myself? Did I manage to make everyting clear and precise? How does one ask politely for a meeting?

And almost before I had managed to push the send botton (at least before I had managed to finish writing another e-mail), he had sent me an enthustiastic reply. "How interesting! Please come and see me next week."

So, why did I worry?

The alien world of professional job recruitment

I have been to a talk this evening with Per-Espen Tørisen called Få kremjobben! – Get your dream job! In the audience there were mainly previous management or business students. And I understood that management studies are a completely different world than the academic world I know. To some extent this was a helpful talk as I do not know too much about “selling yourself”, interviews and CVs, but it was obvious that I was not part of his core audience. When we were recommended to make our application visible, no matter how, I felt that was quite out of the question in academic life. A CV on pink paper would most likely give a negative attention in the departments I know – but people would talk about it for years.

The aesthetics of the talk fascinated me: A power point presentation in many colours with cartoons and diagrams, numbered points and different font size. I have seen power point lectures before, even video installation, but I have never seen an academic trying so hard to sell his idea. And when the white board was used it was to make a diagram of three joining circles with three arguments each. I smiled to myself because the division into threes was a bit forced and I understood that he just wanted to make a rhetorical point. However, I do not want to judge the presentation on my terms; he seemed to be an excellent talker for his audience.

I had planed to join this group at the pub after the talk as a part of my networking, but felt to alien and went home instead. Perhaps I should have tried to get to know them, they are probably nice people and perhaps I misjudged the fact that no one seemed to be from the humanities.

Creative Thoughts in the Right Direction

I have had an inspired day. This morning I read through my chapter on gender history and discovered that I had some thoughts that could be developed further. I am very pleased with having more time to write; that I have the possibility to develop ideas with potential.

Then I met with my cousin this afternoon (my first tiny step in towards networking). She was very humble about her contribution, but she gave me a couple of book titles that I know will be useful. We also had a nice chat about my thesis and her thesis and everything else. Good converstions inspire good works.

Networking

One of the aims for this autumn is networking. I have therfore created a new category 'Networking' where I plan to post the humiliation and hopefully success of my attempts at networking.

One of my favourite quotes from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice is Mr Darcy's 'I am not used to recommend myself to strangers'. Lizzy just answers that this is because he has not practiced enough. Well, I am terrible at networking as I find it embarassing; trying to pretend that I have something to offer, while what I really need is someone to help me. But I understand that this is a give and take game, and I have to learn it.

I have started easy by e-mailing my cousin and an old study friend, both to catch up and to ask if they can help me with my gender history chapter. Both of them has replied with a positive answer. So far success.

I now feel I should re-read my gender chapter to be well prepared before meeting my cousin tomorrow. I do not want to make a fool of myself.